Every emotion you’ve ever felt started with a thought. Whilst some thoughts are of the intelligent and well-crafted variety that most people endorse, others persist as a complete distraction to our otherwise focussed minds. But then, there are the ones that present as unpleasant public emotional displays, when you least expect it.

If you’re a lawyer reading this, picture, if you will, being on the receiving end of a less than flattering remark uttered by Nemesis Opposing Counsel ‘NOC’. If you’re not a lawyer, imagine this as another equally annoying bully-type person. You know who I mean. You feel the heat rush up your back as it swiftly morphs into full blown anger. Instead of remaining cucumber cool whilst mentally noting NOC’s professional limitations, you rebut with words of an unprofessional nature sending the incident swiftly south from there.

I’ll break down what just happened. Said incident created within you an angry thought, which sent neurochemicals into your body transmitting messages on how prickly you now feel. Your body obliges by sending a message back to your brain saying “I’m feeling prickly, I must be angry”. Your intelligent brain acknowledges that you do indeed feel anger and sends more messages to anchor those prickly feelings firmly in place. You have now created a thought/feeling loop.

You continue to unravel as you surreptitiously curse NOC for ‘causing’ said incident and in the process lose your own train of intelligent thought completely. NOC and ‘the incident’ now hold your undivided attention. Do you realise that you had just given your personal power away? And that certainly was not part of your professional brief.

For some immediate liberation from the dreaded thought/feeling merry-go-round:

1. Begin by retrieving your personal power, else you’ll remain scattered and depleted of energy. Regaining power can only occur in the present moment. Focussing on your breath is an instant way to achieve this. It’s not hard to do and no-one needs to know you’re doing it. Draw in a slow and deep breath through your nose and into your belly to activate your parasympathetic nervous system to garner some instant calm.

2. Then acknowledge your anger. Ask yourself why you think it reached that level. Know that it has a real purpose in the instance before you. It is there for a reason. Most people try to push it away, which is counterproductive. Be with your anger, feel where it is in your body, but only give it 90 seconds of your valuable time, if your anger hasn’t dissipated by then, there are other factors at play.

3. Now consciously choose a better thought. Your subconscious just removed the power of thought choice away from you, now you are taking it back. Your unravelled moment was a product of your subconscious thinking. Conjure up thoughts of anything that helps you feel better – perhaps your dog’s smiling face might help?

4. Understand that the questionable actions of the person are really just a cry for help. Their self-esteem is under threat, by your magnificent presence no less, and they are operating from a place of fear.

5. Finally, and this is a doozy, mentally thank the incident for showing you that your internal reaction means something wit

The above tips are your rescue remedy, but will remain as a band-aid solution until you uncover what’s really going on within you subconsciously.

In my new book, “Let’s Kill Kiss All The Lawyers!… said no-one, ever” I explain in greater detail why the negative thought loops and triggers continue to appear and why the annoying people in your life are there to give you clues to their origin. There truly is alchemy within your internal conflicts. Looking at life this way, you will approach the unfortunate incidents in your life with curiosity rather than frustration. Trust me, conflicts are a good thing!

As published in The Law Institute Journal – Law Institute of Victoria May 2019 edition under the title:

“What to do when your emotions have hijacked you.”